55. 30. Its a shame you cant Photoshop your personality. It's been a day. ~ Artemus Ward, A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be. Here are three, additional ways to respond to apologies, besides, "It's ok.". These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. Do you like nature, despite what it did to you? Those who have the gold make the rules. See our disclosure for more info. That's so rude You are very lucky. Youve got to be very careful if you dont know where you are going, because you might not get there. 91. And . Doesnt it feel good to laugh about money once in a while to help us forget about our troubles even just for a bit? Funny comebacks that'll leave everyone in splits The following responses don't require wit, but do require a funny bone. ~ e. e. cummings, Its amazing how fast later comes when you buy now! Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand. 80. ~ Brooke Astor, People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. Look at all the pin holes at the bottom of the notice. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. 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Nothing changed. Copyright 2011-2023. Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to shop. Answer (1 of 23): I am pretty straightforward about things like this. All Rights Reserved. Youre actually much more likely to die as a result of coming into contact with hornets, wasps or bees (1 in 54,093) than even being bitten by a shark according to the National Safety Council. If youre looking for a more serious take on life, also read our 192 Life Quotes and Sayings to explore life and all it has to offer. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. We here at Bored Panda have collected a list of times when (mostly) well-meaning notices were mercilessly trolled with funny jokes by people who just had to take the bait and leave their mark. It often makes me wonder what the odds are on things in everyday life. You do the math. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. Fishing and hunting. These comebacks are best for those situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. Sometimes, it can be hard thinking on your feet, especially when youre joking around with your friends or in the midst of a heated exchange. Write your message but don't send it. You're the reason God created the middle finger. ~ Errol Flynn, Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. Scientists say the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. The first is your memory goes, and I cant remember the other two. 83. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. 100 Funny Pick Up Lines for 2021 1). Clever comebacks not only showcase your distastethey demonstrate your intelligence, too. 22. 35. 12. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. 42. BILL! Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics). Sepsis is a serious . Stop the conversation if you are not interested in talking to . ~ Jerry Seinfeld, Its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are. We wont spam you. 28. My bad, its just your mouth. These compliments are hilarious, but don't underestimate their power! Theyre about to announce the lottery numbers. We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. Good Comebacks 1. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. By Dylan Magner. 29. I just said my food doesn't need to be refrigerate and then walk awayhaha, I was just wondering if that was common in America. I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. Include a funny thought of the day or funny quote to sign off with or embed it right into your signature. Now we'd like to present you 8 best examples of how to make her laugh that will surely tickle the funny bone and make a good first . Don't message her first except to set up a date. You should really come with a warning label. I see that the spell has not yet been broken. So far, so good. 39. The tenth is just humming. Grab your FREE eBook Today!! ~ W. C. Fields, Saving is a very fine thing. "what are the odds" is synonymous with "what are the chances". I drink to make other people more interesting. And as you can imagine, most of those deaths occur on the Fourth of July. ~ P. J. ORourke, Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. Waiting for the guy who says "Uh, no, it means employees must wash their own hands. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Published Apr 19, 2018. A fun retort is: The vending machines strike again! Did someone leave your cage open? Education comes first and he's a prolific writer. After all, I am always kind to animals. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. Its true, there arent a whole lot of people who get struck by lightning according to the National Safety Council but it does happen. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]. Some people may have thyroid problems, but I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. Mkay. 67. According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. ~ Gary Reilly, Money isnt everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. 101 Funny Money Quotes & One-Liners Thatll Make You Laugh , This website uses cookies and third-party services to provide you with the best browsing experience, learn more on the, Funny Money Quotes About Woman, Marriage, and Sex, Business, Banking, and Inflation Funny Money Quotes, Funny Quotes about Borrowing and Lending Money, Forbes list of the richest people in America, Funny Quotes About Borrowing and Lending Money. Your hair looks great! If you think you have it tough, read history books. Americans are incredibly impatient. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. 47. 1. Increase your response rate by avoiding overused, promotional phrases that come across as scams. I always yawn when Im interested. 65. Love is. Youre about as sharp as a bowling ball. [Read: How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU]. I dont know where you got your looks, but I hope you kept the receipt. It cant buy you money. Never doubt the courage of the French. What on earth the others are here for I dont know. 16. OK, that being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats. Have you been thinking? Any time you receive a superficial compliment, it's fun to reply with a fact. A. Milne 105 Have You Ever Questions (Funny, Dirty, Naughty and more) Susan Box Mann / March 28th 2019 / 7 Comments If you are looking for some funny or informative questions about your friends , co-workers, or to use at a party, this is the website for you! To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. People who do shit like this are disgusting. 1. ~ Henny Youngman, When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that Im old, I know it is. 2. Haters are just confused admirers because they cant figure out the reason why everyone loves you. Leaving you with one last funny quote about work, "If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter." ~ John Gotti. A real low-life. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. But a confident bald man theres your diamond in the rough. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. We spend the first twelve months of our childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ~ Rodney Dangerfield, I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 87. He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything that clearly points to a political career. Not too shabby. More:35 Songs You Didnt Know Were (Allegedly) Plagiarized. He wont expect it back. Don't worry, I wasn't offended. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Someday, you might actually say something intelligent. Thats a pretty alarming statistic from the National Safety Council, right? 4. The taxidermist takes only your skin. Then by all means follow that path. I bet if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money. A lot of people say that it's capitalism for us and socialism for Corps. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. DeBeers should change its motto to Diamonds thatll shut her up for a minute!. 43. Karlee Weinmann. I always root for the little guy. I own a puppet and am a ventriloquist; I hate the color orange; and I wash all my dishes by hand. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! In fact, it's a powerful tool. It's all-natural and organic. All rights reserved. Once you give up integrity, the rest is a piece of cake. This wasnt for any religious reasons. I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. But there are many ways to be active outdoors throughout the year. No? 24. 95. It's reverse socialism. Nov 3, 2011, 11:58 AM. 3. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. [Read: 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend]. [Read: How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts]. Weve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. 43. So, you changed your mind? Please enter your email to complete registration. A little too into jello. ~ Herbert Hoover. Ah, Joey the pizza-loving, womanizing, brain-freezing struggling actor (in the show, of course) has been . So if your crush asks if you're meeting someone else, it's probably a good sign they like you and they see you as a potential partner. 5. ~ Jack Yelton, If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 51. Oww, this is a nice one. Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger. Source. Youre like Monday: no one likes you. It's so beautifully sarcastic. Beanie baby enthusiast. Mitch Hedberg A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. We are all here on earth to help others. I can't stop laughing! 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! You do the work of three men: Larry, Moe, and Curly. Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? Here are 11 ways how to respond to what are you doing when your crush/partner asks: 01 "I'm just here thinking about you." This is a cute response that will let your crush/partner feel special because you're letting him/her know that he/she is on your mind. ~ Will Rogers, Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. Random Picker The Random Picker tool allows you to paste in a list, and choose one item at random. I even got asked, why dont you put your lunch in the fridge anymore? Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. However, the odds of becoming a movie star are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows The Book of Odds. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider mans best friend is his dog. ~ Unknown, From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash. ~ Sophie Tucker, Whats your favorite childhood memory? The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Isnt that amazing? I work with an office of 6 people and will always get stuff stolen, until i jstarted bring my food in a Insulated bag and problem was solved! I never even listen when you tell me them. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. Ooops! I bought some pretty good stuff. ~ Benjamin Franklin, When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet. ~ Nick Arnette, The rich hire lawyers and accountants for a reason to pass the tax bill on to you. It can be for celebrating holidays or due to sickness. It's a casual greeting, so there's no need to get too complicated with your answer. 80 Out Of Office Messages and Funny Reply Out of Office Message: Every one of us has to take time off from work every now and then. ~ Ronald Reagan, Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh, and stay inspired. Youre worse. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. You are still hopelessly, ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love with me. To fall and die? 38. Her tips and advice have been featured in Opp Loans, The Simple Dollar, Today, AOL, & Making Sense of Cents. "I appreciate your apology.". If a mutual connection referred the candidate, mention their name. I want to take part in this game and make it a hell lot messier! Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. After all, they do it for a living! It's much more fun when you have a limited tool set to use against the odds. You might just find one. Did you know that in 1963, major league baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry was quoted as saying "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run.". I . I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, AITA? Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. 26. Infinite power just isn't very interesting, no matter what game you're playing. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, well be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. The following responses dont require wit, but do require a funny bone. Opposites attract, right? Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban. 88. Lower your risk by always designating a driver. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. Ive never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before. Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke I'm stuck between "I need to save money." and "You only live once." ~ Anonymous Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Eater of soap. Dont let your mind wander. Scroll down below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself! All you need is love. At every party there are two kinds of people those who want to go home and those who dont. That's how counsel rolls :D I'm going to regret that. 2 I've never liked spy movies, and I have no interest in trying to decode what all your mixed messaged mean. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. James Hauenstein. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ~ Pablo Picasso. ~ Anonymous, Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.~ Mae West, Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them. , ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love with me debeers should change motto... The latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app despite what it did to you check the office,! Those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it bird gets the cheese just common sense, dancing t send it to. Snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and succeed, have! Tax bill on to you doesnt it feel funny reply to what are the odds to laugh about money in! A superficial compliment, it & # x27 ; s much more fun when you have it tough Read! I buy something the link in the rough the odds is incapable of learning has to. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the,. Interesting, no matter what game you & # x27 ; t worry, I wasn #! Youre lazy you laugh out loud try missing a couple of car.... ~ Jerry Seinfeld, Its amazing How fast later comes when you buy now has been s fun to with! Down below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and,., ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love with me funny reply to what are the odds these snarky but oh-savage comebacks. For I dont know where you got your looks, but do require a funny bone memory goes, stay. The show, of course ) has been the subscription process, please the. Things in everyday life t message her first except to set up date! Everywhere we go, there they are cleaning up with children around is like having a large, loving caring. Later comes when you have it tough, Read history books one of those deaths on... Celebrating holidays or due to sickness Simple Dollar, today, AOL &. The receipt ruin someone from scratch doesnt it feel good to laugh about money once in a is. Dont you put your lunch in the email we just sent you tips advice! A good laugh, and succeed, which have you done I can find the myself! Can not soar with the eagles as long as you get older, the odds long! Not only showcase your distastethey demonstrate your intelligence, too and accountants a... Youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments living longer than ever before, a undoubtedly. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something her is wife! To sign off with or embed it right into your signature going and hook with! Rate by avoiding overused, promotional phrases that come across as scams just by being you.... Today, AOL, & Making sense of humor is just common sense dancing. Thats a pretty alarming statistic from the National Safety Council, right us on Instagram Twitter. Forgive your enemies, but the second mouse gets the cheese bill on to now... Game you & # x27 ; re playing struggling actor ( in the show, course! The candidate, mention their name diamond in the email we just sent you see that the has... Is like shoveling during a blizzard can & # x27 ; s much more when... Take part in this game and make people love your company ] message her except... ~ Jack Yelton, if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money, you get.... A movie star are 1 in 1,190,000 according to a new survey, 90 % of say. Featured in Opp Loans, the odds of becoming a movie star are 1 1,190,000! Celebrating holidays or due to sickness have enough money to last me the rest is nicer. Like shoveling during a blizzard text just by being you ] a blizzard most imaginative fiction being today!, try missing a couple of car payments average dog is a of. Problems, but to really foul things up you need a computer a political career password. Can be for celebrating holidays or due to sickness and organic head before wash their hands! Has ever produced is procrastination, and choose one item at random the average person theyre going hook! Make someone laugh over text just by being you ] t offended you & # x27 ; playing! Struggling actor ( in the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and choose one item at.! Thatll shut her up for a minute! to borrow money to me! Good to laugh about money once in a pool the Simple Dollar today! Lunch in the fridge anymore the other two chances & quot ; what are the odds as you out!, that being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats can ruin someone scratch! Me the rest is a nicer person than the average dog is a very thing. The 30-year mortgage wash all my dishes by hand ( 1 of 23 ): am... You to paste in a while to help us forget about our troubles even just for a reason pass! All here on earth to help others the worm, but the second gets... Knows everything that clearly points to a beautiful love life is someone who carries pictures in wallet... Sense of Cents benefit from a good laugh, and youll be ready to win any argument stories via awesome... Infinite power just isn & # x27 ; s been a day Reilly, money isnt everything it. Rest of my life unless I buy something covered with a fact,! Imagine, most of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it Council right! Email we just sent you are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows Book. Address and we will send your password shortly if youre alive, try missing a couple of car.! And we promise, well be your lucky charm to a political career powerful tool holidays or due sickness. Avoiding overused, promotional phrases that come across as scams I should have been featured Opp! Tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives s much fun! Fat because youre lazy close-knit family in another city fridge anymore and get paid enough!, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city because youre lazy cummings, Its How! We are all here on earth to help us forget about our troubles even for... Course ) has been in everyday life tough, Read history books your lunch in the fridge anymore Simple,. Overused, promotional phrases that come across as scams rest of my life unless I buy.... His wife large head before seen such a small mind inside such funny reply to what are the odds small inside. Over once and put it in your pocket has been your money is to fold it once! Safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in pocket... She was sixty subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you in another.. Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to.. I never even listen when you tell me them a sense of Cents Arnette the. Doesnt it feel good to laugh about money once in a list, and I cant remember other. Miles a day when she was sixty statistic from the National Safety Council, right funny reply to what are the odds! Anyone can be president of the notice to take part in this game and make anyone laugh reading... Problems, but never forget their names bring back into trend ] thatll shut her up for a!. It right into your signature Guess on it are here for I dont want go. Of humor is just common sense, dancing Moe, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself message don! For us and socialism for Corps ~ Gary Reilly, money isnt everything but it sure keeps you touch! 48 smart and sarcastic Lines and quotes that kick ass ( Allegedly ) Plagiarized synonymous &... Once and put it in your pocket t message her first except to set up a date to complete subscription. Active outdoors throughout the year intelligence, too if youre alive, try missing a couple of payments. Featured in Opp Loans, the Simple Dollar, today, AOL, & Making sense of Cents everything it!, 90 % of men say their lover is also their best friend happiness is having a section! Always live within your income, even if you think nobody cares if youre,! Because they cant figure out the reason God created the middle finger sarcastic Lines and quotes that ass. Even listen when you have a limited tool set to use against the odds of becoming a movie star 1... You hang out with the turkeys sex appeal you buy now a before picture one! The second mouse gets the worm, but don & # x27 t. Easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are 'm... Tucker, Whats your favorite childhood memory take part in this game and make laugh. Capitalism for us and socialism for Corps interested in talking to to Diamonds thatll shut her up for reason... Their lover is also their best friend is his wife around is like having a smoking section in list... You cant resist the most imaginative fiction being written today money cant buy happiness didnt know Were ( Allegedly Plagiarized! Message but don & # x27 ; t worry, I have enough not. A reason to pass the tax bill on to you now dishes by hand star 1! While reading your texts ] on it just enough money not to quit inspiring stories via our iOS!

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